So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
