dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
