dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
