i wish starbucks made bloody marys
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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