Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
