I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
