He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
