all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think your dad took our porno
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
