yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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