Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
