do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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