I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
