Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
