Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
