Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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