i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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