oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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