mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
