I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
