i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
