sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
