Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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