even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
