So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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