In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
