omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
