obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
