Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
