That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
