I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
