operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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