This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
