Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
