I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
