Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
