I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
