I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she looked like the before picture.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
