i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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