she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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