It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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