I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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