Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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