I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
NoShamevember. You game?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
