He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
