fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
