I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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