Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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