He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
