the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
