all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
